Hydromorphone
by 741N73D 4N63L
Summary: Set seven weeks after Revelations. Spencer really needs help. First chapter is a prologue.
1. Prologue

AN: This is half prequel, half sequel to Black Cat. It would be much easier if you read that story first. There is a list on my profile of which order to read my stories in.

AN2: Spencer Reid and Catherine Jareau spend the weekend together, seven weeks after Revelations. Spencer needs help and Catherine might be the right person for the job. The first chapter is just the prologue. Spencer will appear in the second chapter.

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds nor do I own William Yeats' poem The Second Coming.

* * *

"Curiosity. Woman's first sin.

I offer her an apple, what can she do but take it?"

- Caleb, Touched, 7x20, BTVS

(Misogynistic defrocked priest and serial killer)

* * *

Today is Wednesday March 28th, Jen is out with Emily and Penelope, they're going out to a bar or club or something and I am sixteen. Definitely underage and there is no way in hell that three FBI agents would sneak me into a bar. Jen offered to change their plans and stay home but I can't ruin their girls' night. Jen needs a night off; she hasn't been sleeping well these past few weeks. Besides, I have exams in a few weeks so I need to 'study'. And by 'study' I mean I want to re-read everything from this past semester. So girls' night can wait for my exams to be over.

Spencer and Derek are supposed to be having a guy's night. That idea always brings laughter to mind. Derek is still trying to train Spencer to be his wingman. It's not working. And I don't even want to speculate on how well Derek would do on his own once Spencer makes his escape. Aaron is home with Haley and baby Jack. I have no idea where Jason is tonight; he was gone for the day before I arrived after school to meet Jen.

Jen is going to spend the upcoming weekend in New Orleans, she's visiting some detective she met on a case, Will something. It's weird for me to think of my sister dating. Logically, I know she has, she just doesn't bring them over to the apartment to meet me. I was insulted for all of thirty seconds when I found out by accident; Jen was on the phone with Penelope. Then my rational mind kicked in, and I was glad that they were not allowed to intrude in our home. Because that is what it would be, an invasion. Just like Michael was a trespasser. Michael was the boy Jen was engaged to for a little while in University. I met him a few times and he scared me. Mind you, I was only nine when Jen graduated university and she had already broken up with Michael by then. Then again, I have always trusted my instincts, or rather; Jen has told me to always trust my instincts.

I am rather excited; I'm supposed to spend the weekend with Spencer. Most of the team is going away for the weekend and Jen didn't want to leave me home alone. I'm not overly eager to stay home alone all weekend and I certainly don't need a babysitter but there is no way that anyone would consider Spencer a babysitter.

I'm trying to figure something out, so I have pulled out one of my extra journals. The team flew back from Georgia on the 9th of February. Spencer had spent a few days in the hospital, something about his foot being injured. He had a bandage on it and a set of crutches when he came home. I asked about it and when he said he didn't want to tell me what happened I left it at that. For the time being at least. But has been almost seven weeks now and he is still behaving oddly and won't talk to me. Spencer has been different ever since that case in Georgia.

Jen has changed as well, but I realized that Jen was acting differently first because I live with her. I've been sleeping in her bed most nights for the past few months because she wakes up screaming. Jen is scared of dogs now; sometimes she's even scared of my cat Una because her eyes glow in dark. Now I know how Jen feels when I wake her up in the middle of the night screaming from my memories. Jen isn't allowed to tell me what happened during the case or even what it was about. I haven't asked since the first night she got home. I know better now. Jen started shaking and ran to the bathroom to throw up.

This afternoon I looked it up, the case reports. I used Penelope's work computer when I was visiting and copied it to my spare thumb drive. I had to justify my actions to myself. I know I'm not supposed to but how else am I supposed to help my sister and Spencer if I don't know what happened?

I gave the first page of the case file a cursory look before I put on my pajamas; one of Spencer's t-shirts and a pair of pajama pants. After I am dressed, I read a little further into the file I start to try and distance myself, pretend it's fictional, just a story I'm reading for class. It doesn't work and I viciously stomp on my desire to regurgitate supper when I come to the part with pictures. The photographs are so gruesome, there is blood everywhere, that I skip over them entirely after the first one where a woman is being ripped apart by three dogs. I guess that's what Jen saw. I have no desire to ask her anymore, I just want to find a way to help my sister and Spencer if he needs it. I think he does.

I swallow my trepidation and continue reading, Jen and Spencer split up. My breath hitches. Spencer was kidnapped. He was gone for two full days. I pause for a minute to compose myself. The next page of the case file steals my breath away. I am horrified. Spencer died. He actually died. Then the rage sets in. That sick bastard killed my Spencer! He brought him back with CPR but he killed him first. Poor Spencer. It must have been terrifying to be kidnapped and kept alone with a crazy man in the dark, he's afraid of the dark. He still keeps the bathroom light on when he sleeps. Spencer killed the unsub with the gun the unsub used to try and kill Spencer. Good, he deserved to die. I stop reading the file. I don't want to know anything else. I have too much information already.

I am touched when Jen comes home a whole six minutes before midnight. I was starting to get a little worried that she would be late or that she had forgotten altogether. It's silly, we do this every night so there is really no way for Jen to forget but I am always a little worried when Jen walks out the door that she won't come home. I am pleasantly surprised to find out that my sister isn't drunk. This is really good because I don't think I could stand cleaning up more vomit tonight.

We set up the candles together quietly and with an efficiency borne of many years of practice. Tonight it's my turn to light them and I do so silently, not wanting to disturb the peace that has settled over us. It is not unusual for the two of us to spend long periods of time together in complete silence, it is always calming for me and I suppose it's calming for Jen as well. I'm not sure how it happened but Jen has her arms wrapped around me from behind, my head is resting on her shoulder and I'm not scared or freaking out. I missed her tonight and I almost wish that I hadn't read the case file. I'm going to return it to Penelope after classes tomorrow. I'm sure she knows that I 'borrowed' it. Nothing gets past her.

"Good night mama, good night daddy, good night Jessie." We say together. Jen hugs me gently, releases me and blows out the dripping candles.

Jen's head is hanging low as she walks out of the living room down the hall and into her bedroom. By the time I brush my teeth and check on Una who is sleeping sprawled out on my bed like a big baby, Jen is already in her own bed facing away from the door. The bedroom door whispers quietly on the carpet making enough noise for Jen to turn over in bed and look sleepily at me. I raise one eyebrow and smile as Jen pulls the blankets down a little on the opposite side of the bed, my side. It really is my side, just like Jen has her side of the bed in my room. I keep a few things in the nightstand and she does the same.

I climb under the covers and curl up next to my sister. Jen starts talking so quietly that I can hardly hear what she is saying. I strain my ears and manage to pick up a few words, now I know what she is saying and it chills me to the bone. "The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere / The ceremony of innocence is drowned." The poem is Yeats' poem The Second Coming. Jenny used to read it to me when I was little and she was home from University. It's about anarchy and the second coming is not that of Christ but of a new messiah, a rough beast.

I hug my sister tightly and she cries into my shoulder. For a spilt second I want to know what is going on in Jenny's head. Then I blink and the desire is gone, I would no more want to be in Jenny's head than I would desire her in mine. I understand that some things must be kept to oneself to protect others. So I just hold Jenny until she falls asleep and when she starts screaming from her nightmares, I wake her up and recite poetry quietly (because I can't sing), as calmly as I can because I don't want to upset her further by breaking down and crying. I can wait until Jenny leaves for work before I break down.

* * *

The world gets better everyday -

then worse again in the evening.

- Kin Hubbard.

* * *

AN: Happy long weekend :) Next chapter will be posted on Tuesday.


	2. Friday

AN: Spencer will appear in section 2 of this 3-part chapter, but first, here is Emily's cameo appearance. Please read and review. How is my Spencer?

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds, nor do I own Snow Patrol.

* * *

Part 1

* * *

Friendship is unnecessary,

like philosophy, like art...

It has no survival value;

rather it is one of those things

which give value to survival.

- C. S. Lewis

* * *

Friday March 30th, 2007

3:00 pm

Emily stops by the apartment on her way out of town. Everyone else has already left for their weekend of down time and no one wants Spencer to drive me. I open the door the instant Emily knocks. I've been ready, and waiting for Emily for twenty-six minutes.

"Come on Dawn, time to go." She smiles at me.

My mouth drops open in shock, "Emily, that's not fair. I'm not useless and I don't get kidnapped every Tuesday. Today isn't even Tuesday it's Friday!"  
Emily chuckles, "Come on kid," she drags me out the door, "let's go. You have a weekend to spend with our resident Doctor and I have a plane to catch."  
I pout but don't put any real force into my resistance. After all, I want to see Spencer.

The drive to Spencer's apartment is relatively short, only about twenty minutes. Emily and I listen to Snow Patrol; they're an awesome band from Ireland. I doubt Emily would listen to them if I didn't like them so much. She seems to flinch every time they speak, which isn't often. Luckily, when the band sings, they sound North American. It is impossible to place their accents. I wonder why she doesn't like their accents I think they sound hot.

We arrive at Spencer's apartment building and Emily seems weary of entering. I wonder if she is fighting with Spencer. Out of the blue, Emily asks me if I want her to cancel her trip and I could spend the weekend with her. It's confusing; doesn't she want me to spend time with Spencer? Is something wrong and no one has told me yet? My confusion and hesitation must be evident on my face because Emily rushes to reassure me that everything is okay and that Spencer just hasn't been feeling well lately.  
I narrow my eyes, "Don't lie Emily. It doesn't suit you."

Her forehead crinkles, frown lines are starting to appear.  
"I know that Spence hasn't been the same since Georgia." For almost an entire minute I can read Emily Prentiss like a book, she is scared and she want's to tell me something important about Spencer but she can't or won't. In the end it's the same thing.

Emily opens her mouth and breathes out, "Catherine."

I smile at her "It's okay Em really."

She raises one eyebrow.

I roll my eyes, "Okay so it's not okay but it will be. You just have to believe that Spencer can fight his own dragons."

She snorts, "I think you mean demons Crierwy (kree-ree)."

My face is serious, "No Emmy, I definitely mean dragons."

She chuckles, "Alright silly girl, you win."

I laugh. "Of course I win Emmy, I always win."

Now it's Emily's turn to roll her eyes.

We walk up the stairs all the way to the eighth floor and then down a really, really long corridor. When we arrive at Spencer's door, the furthest back in the building on the left side, Emily opens her arm to me. I step into them willingly and she whispers, "Love you Crierwy (kree-ree)."  
I smile against her shoulder, "Love you too Emmy."

I knock three times wait three seconds and then knock three more times. This is my knock; Jen has a different one, it needs to be done this way so that Spencer knows who is at his door. I wish I had a key, it would make thing so much easier, but right now, I don't think Spencer would want anyone just walking into his apartment unannounced. When Spencer answers the door, I turn to say good-bye to Emily again but she has disappeared. She must have taken off right after our hug good-bye.

* * *

"Fairy tales are more than true;

not because they tell us that dragons exist,

but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten."

- G.K. Chesterton

* * *

Part 2

* * *

"I don't think..." then you shouldn't talk, said the Hatter.

- Lewis Carrol, Alice in Wonderland

* * *

Friday March 30th, 2007

6:00 pm

Spencer and I have spent the past two and a half hours sitting in complete silence. Well, I was reading and Spencer was sitting on his chair, staring off into space. It is very weird because Spencer is always rambling on about something and he never just stares off into space. It's like his brain has stopped working. I have always liked listening to Spencer ramble because you can learn the most interesting things. I know that the team usually gets annoyed when he rambles about anything not case related and then they tune him out. I am guilty of doing that sometimes but mostly I'm attentive. Lately Spencer has started rambling less, it's weird, not like him at all. He used to jump on any chance to impart knowledge. Everything relates back to that case in Georgia and I hate myself for wondering if Henkel beat the rambling thoughts out of Spencer.

The apartment is a mess, normally, everything is in its place and once Spencer is finished with something he puts it back exactly where it is supposed to be. The apartment's mess is making me twitchy. Not that I want to clean it but because it is a physical representation that something is wrong with Dr. Spencer Reid. The only clean room in the apartment is the kitchen. I breathe a sigh of relief even knowing that the cleanliness is only because Spencer doesn't cook if he can help it.

I want to make something to eat but there is no food in the apartment: nothing in the pantry, nothing in the fridge or the freezer. What has Spencer been eating? Has he been eating? I don't see any take out containers. It is even more obvious to me that something is wrong. Spencer cannot get by without food, no one can. He never forgets to eat, hell, Spencer eats almost as much food as Derek. I want to walk to the grocery store down the street but I don't want to bring Spencer with me, he wont let me go alone and I cannot leave him here by himself. I check my wallet to make sure I have enough money for food when Spencer doesn't answer my questions about dinner. I have enough money so I order one pizza: Hawaiian, half no cheese.

Something is definitely wrong; I just need to figure out what. It's more than just nightmares and being afraid of the dark; every single light in the apartment is turned on. I want to cry. I don't know what to do. How can I help? Spencer isn't talking, he isn't moving, he's just sitting there like a bump on a log. Maybe I should have stayed home alone and risked Jenny's wrath or taken Emily up on her offer. But that would not be fair to Emily or Spencer. He was happy for all of thirty seconds when I first arrived, his eyes sparkled like they used to.

The pizza arriving startles a response out of Spencer. He looks around like he is seeing his apartment for the very first time and wondering where he is. It scares me more than I would like to admit. I pay the delivery boy and grab two plates from the kitchen counter. I bring them to the living room. Spencer usually eats his pizza with a fork and a knife but I'm scared and don't want to have anything sharp around. I hate being afraid of Spencer. I think I'm covering it well enough though, or maybe he's just so out of it that he doesn't notice how much in trembling.

Dinner is silent just like the afternoon but Spencer eats and it eases my fears just a little. Studying Spencer's profile closely, there are dark bags under his eyes. I notice how skinny his torso is, and how gaunt his face is. I think he has lost weight. I puzzle over everything I have found out silently. I wonder if he's been drinking? He really needs a shower. Maybe I can get him to pay attention long enough to get him into the bathroom with an already running shower and some clean clothes.

* * *

But silence is not a natural environment for stories.

They need words.

Without them they grown pale, sicken and die.

And then they haunt you.

- Diane Setterfield

* * *

Part 3

* * *

Until I feared I would lose it,

I never loved to read.

One does not love breathing.

- Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird

* * *

Friday March 30th, 2007

10:00 pm

"There was a man called Grin, nicknamed Hairy-Cheek because he was born with a certain peculiarity, and this is how it happened." There is a pillow across Spencer's stomach to prop up the book he is reading aloud. His voice is low and soothing as he reads the adventures of Arrow-Odd. It is a new one, a Viking romance, and I like it already.

This is a striking change from just thirty minutes ago when Spencer came out of the bathroom, having finally showered. He was shaking and rushing around the apartment frantically searching for something. He must have found what ever he was looking for in the bathroom because he came out about ten minutes ago, significantly calmer and decided that he wants to read to me. Spencer's voice is a welcome change to the silence that has surrounded us for the past six hours.

Spencer is wearing flannel dark blue plaid pajamas and one blue sock and one white sock, Jen gave them to him last Christmas. He usually wears this set when he's sick. He is lying on his back next to me in his bed. Spencer's bed is really big and comfortable. Jen would probably object to me sharing a bed with Spencer if she knew but the only other option is the couch. Maybe she does know but just hasn't said anything. It's not like we're going to do anything, sometimes it's just nice to be close to someone. It's calming and soothing, I wonder who needs the serenity more, Spencer or me.

It's funny how Spencer can read 20 000 words per minute remembering everything and yet, when he reads out loud, he is so calm and slow. Spencer used to read to me every week over the phone, even when the team was on a case, he hasn't read to me in almost two months, not since they got back from Georgia. I don't even talk to Jen when she's on a case, but Spencer used to call every night and ask me how my day went and what I was learning in class.

I plug in the nightlight that I always bring over to Spencer's place. It's got a little tree with some birds in the branches. Derek gave it to him as a joke and Spencer was so embarrassed over it he was beet red. So I pretended that I had always wanted one "Oh! It's so pretty!" and asked to trade with Spencer. My gag gift from Penelope was a pair of plastic handcuffs. Jen was not impressed, but I think they were awesome and they were put to good use, Emily and I cuffed Derek to a table. On second thought, maybe I shouldn't plug in the tree night-light. Somehow I don't think Spencer needs more shadows right now.

Spencer reads a few more chapters of Arrow-Odd and as I start to drift off to sleep, he starts telling me all about Vikings. How the Icelandic people were not really called Vikings because viking is a noun, meaning piracy or war-like maritime expedition. In Heathen days, it was usual for young men of distinction to make a viking to foreign parts and was part of a man's education. A vikingr is the person who makes this expedition. Derives from vik, which means, "bay" because they'd invade through bays, creeks and inlets.

I like falling asleep to the sound of his voice. It is calming and I have missed it. I have not slept over at Spencer's apartment since February. There I go, ruining my calm again. I should pay more attention to Spencer. He's talking about etymology now, where saga is derived from sagia, which means "to tell" or "to narrate". Saga, (plural sögur) were written in Old Norse, mainly in Iceland. A Fornaldarsögur, like Arrow-Odd is an epic, a type of folkloric, legendary, "mythical hero" saga. It is a tale about old times, with no real concept of historical voracity.

I'm glad Henkel didn't destroy Spencer completely, he's still there, buried under the silence. "Good night Spence." I whisper, curling up next to him. Spencer doesn't answer or acknowledge that I've said anything; he just keeps talking at me about something. I am too tired to follow his train of thought.

* * *

It is what you read when you don't have to

that determines what you will be when you can't help it.

- Oscar Wilde

* * *

AN2: All information given about 'Vikings' is accurate :)


	3. Saturday

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds. Dr. Sarlington belongs to mein Engel and is being used with permission.

* * *

Part 4

* * *

And when the cops closed the fair

I cut my long baby hair

Stole me a dog-eared map

And called for you everywhere.

- American Mouth, Iron & Wine

* * *

Saturday April 1st, 2007

3:00 am

I wake up on the floor with no idea how I've gotten there. The last thing I remember was falling asleep in Spencer's bed, listening to him ramble. I raise my head off the floor and look around the room. It is even messier than earlier. It looks like a whirlwind has passed through the bedroom; I think the whirlwind's name is Spencer Reid.

Spencer is not in bed, nor is he anywhere in the bedroom or bathroom. I hope he hasn't taken off. I walk slowly down the hall, trying to be as quiet as possible. I can see Spencer storming around the living room, tearing everything apart. I have no idea what exactly he is looking for but he is definitely scary. He resembles an addict, looking for his next fix. I have known Spencer for almost three years now and I don't think I have ever seen him this angry before. He never loses his cool.

I know the instant Spencer spots me peeking around the corner into the living room because he rushes over towards me and drags me into the middle of the room. "Where is it? Where did you hide it?" he roars.

I am stunned speechless. I have no idea what he is talking about.

Spencer gabs me by my shoulders and shakes me. "Where did you hide it?" he yells in my face.

I gather what is left of my courage and say, "I didn't hide anything Spencer. I don't know what you're talking about."

He shoves me back, I fall over the small coffee table and land on the floor next to the couch. Spencer keeps coming after me and I try to scramble away. I make it as far as the corner of the living room. I squeeze myself into the tiny space behind an end table, between the couch and the wall. My breathing sounds ragged to my ears and I am so scared I feel like I cannot breathe so I start breathing faster and faster. I've got black spots in my vision and I think I might pass out if I continue breathing like this but I can't stop. I need more air.

Even my hyper-vigilance isn't telling me where Spencer is and I'm too afraid I'll see him if I lift my head. There is no one for me to call for help. The team is spread out for the weekend and even if there was someone I could call, I cannot because my cellphone is in the bedroom.

When my brain registers that there is no noise in the living room, I start to calm down a little. I stop breathing altogether in an attempt to control my breathing pattern. This is a trick Spencer taught me but I don't want to think about that because right now thinking about Spencer is scaring me even more and that will not help me calm down or escape.

The black spots in my vision disappear as I get my breathing under control. My hyper-vigilance returns to normal and I can feel someone looking at me. I look up to the gap at the top of the couch and no one is there. Hmm, maybe my hyper-vigilance was wrong, but I don't think it was, I still feel someone's eyes on me. I look down again, back to my eye-level; Spencer is lying on the floor, just on the other side of the side table. He has one arm extended towards me and the other is curled up at his chest. He's crying very quietly.

Spencer sees me looking at him and starts talking, "I'm so sorry Kitty Cat."

I flinch at the nickname but Spencer doesn't notice, he is too far-gone.

"I didn't mean to scare you. Please, I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Please help me, I need help."

He looks so broken, curled up on the floor, crying, begging me for help.  
I don't know what to do.

Spencer keeps apologizing and it's making me uncomfortable, I have never seen someone so broken, I have never even seen Spencer cry before tonight.

I swallow my fear and climb out from behind the couch. I don't want to touch Spencer but he needs comfort more than I need to stay away and be calm. I sit down next to where Spencer is lying on the floor. I pick up his head and put it in my lap. I hold one of Spencer's hands and run my fingers through his hair, trying to calm both of us. I can't use his nickname; the familiarity would break my resolve and I need to be strong. "What are you on Spencer?"

He won't look at me and I know it must be bad; I know statistics about drugs, Spencer taught me them, but have had no real world experience. I don't know what to say or how to help.

Spencer's voice is so very small, "Dilauded."

My breath catches in my throat, "Hydromorphone?"

Spencer nods once.

I am stunned, "Who gave it to you? Where did you get it? When? How?"

Spencer is refusing to look at me.

"Spencer, please look at me." I try to move his head but he's so stiff I cannot.

After a few minutes of silence Spencer whispers, "It was Henkel."

I'm so angry, if my eyes could shoot lasers the room would already be in flames. The man that abducted, tortured and killed Spencer also got him addicted to drugs. I feel sick.

Spencer must take my silence as anger directed towards him because he starts crying and apologized for scaring me. He is promising to get help.

I can feel my heart breaking. I want to cry. "Spence I can't help you." I whisper, "You need a doctor. A medical doctor."

Spencer must misinterpret what I'm saying because Spencer grabs hold of my leg with his free hand and says, "Don't leave me, please don't leave me."

I tighten my grip around Spencer's hand, "I'm not leaving Spence. I promise. But tomorrow we need to go to a doctor. You can't just stop taking Hydromorphone cold turkey, you could kill yourself and you're not allowed to die."

There are little droplets of water falling onto Spencer's face, I brush them away but more keep falling. I look up at the ceiling, expecting to see a crack with water dripping. There isn't one, the droplets of water on Spencer's face are my tears. Tears that I didn't know I was crying.

I don't know how we manage it but somehow we end up back in bed. I'm exhausted and I just want to sleep but my mind is so full. Tomorrow Spencer and I need to find a doctor who will help wean Spencer off the Hydromorphone so that he doesn't die. Spencer cannot die. I won't allow that to happen. Tomorrow I will need to clean Spencer's apartment and make sure there are no needles or other kinds of drugs.

I almost wish there was someone from the team who was still around this weekend. But right now, I'm so furious with every single one of them, they didn't do anything about Spencer's problem. They haven't helped him. We're family, we're supposed to help each other. I understand that if Aaron had done something about it, then he would have had to report it to the bureau and Spencer would lose his job. But the rest of the team could have done something, anything. Why did they take off this weekend and leave me with an obviously damaged Spencer Reid?

I am thankful that Spencer falls asleep the instant his head hits his pillow because I don't know what to say. We are ending our day the same way we started it, in silence.

* * *

The Chinese use two brush strokes to write the word 'crisis.'

One brush stroke stands for danger;

the other for opportunity.

in a crisis, be aware of the danger

-but recognize the opportunity.

― John F. Kennedy

* * *

Part 5

* * *

"Lights will guide you home.

And ignite your bones.

And I will try to fix you."

- Fix You, Coldplay

* * *

Saturday April 1st, 2007

Seven am comes way too quickly for my liking. I grab some cold pizza for Spencer and I to eat for breakfast before we leave for the doctor. I am concerned when Spencer can't stop shivering. I suppose it isn't really shivering, more like he's shaking from withdrawal. Damn it. I need to get him to the doctor but Spencer is in no condition to drive and I don't have my full license yet. We're going to have to take the subway.

We leave the house just after 7:30. I lock up with my key. It takes us almost an hour to reach Spencer's doctor. We have to walk a long way once we get off the subway and Spencer keeps tripping over his shoes and veering off. It would be awkwardly cute if I didn't know the real reason he can't walk straight.

Arriving at Dr. Sarlington's office, I open the door and usher Spencer in quickly. He doesn't put up any resistance. We walk up three flights of stairs because there is no way I am letting Spencer get into an elevator with people who might recognize him. By the time we reach the fourth floor, Spencer is puffing a little bit and he's starting to visibly sweat.

I pull Spencer's medical card and his insurance card out of my purse and hand it to the receptionist, her nametag says Rose, telling her that it is an emergency. Rose protests until I point out Spencer who is sitting in the waiting area, hunched over and shaking. She tells me we might need to wait a few minutes before the doctor can see Spencer but that he will be next.

I sit down next to Spencer and try to ignore the other patients who are glaring at us. I am successful because Spencer starts rambling and I need to try and keep him quiet. He is talking rather loudly about staph infections in hospitals. Luckily, Dr. Sarlington calls out Spencer's name before he can gross out too many patients.

"Dr. Reid."

I touch Spencer's arm to get his attention, "Come on Spence, you have to get up. It's time to see your doctor."

Spencer lurches up and almost falls over. I'm trying to steady him but even Spencer the beanpole weighs too much for me on my own. The doctor rushes over to help when he sees me struggling. I can hardly believe that Spencer is letting us touch him; then again, the other choice is for him to face-plant in the waiting room. Together we get Spencer into the office and sit him down on a chair. There is no way that we can get him up onto the examining table.

"What happened?" The doctor demands angrily of me, stepping closer to me.

I take a step back, trying to regain control. "Spencer needs help." It sounds pitiful even to my ears.

The doctor looks incredulous, "I can see that." He says, "What happened? Who are you and why should I let you stay?"

I frown, "My name is Catherine Jareau. And you should let me stay because Spencer isn't in any condition to tell you anything right now."

"Fair enough." He says sitting down at his desk, "Tell me everything you know."

"Spencer was abducted while he was on a case a in February and the person who abducted him gave Spencer Hydromorphone. Spencer has been using it since."

The doctor frowns. "Is this true Dr. Reid?" He asks, turning to Spencer.

Spencer nods but doesn't say anything.

The doctor questions Spencer for a little while and I take a few minutes to study the doctor while he is otherwise occupied. Dr. Sarlington is a heavy set Caucasian male probably in his forties. He is wearing a light blue dress shirt, black dress pants and shoes. He has black hair flecked with grey and thick black glasses. Dr. Sarlington leaves the room; I'm a little bit worried because I don't know what's going on. The fast-paced medical jargon was flying way over my head.

When Dr. Sarlington returns, he gives Spencer a shot and says, "Okay Dr. Reid I will need you to come back to see me every morning before work so that I can monitor the dosage and decrease it accordingly."

I pipe up, "What about when he travels for work?"

Dr. Sarlington looks at me and then back at Spencer, "We will have to arrange something for that if and when that happens."

Spencer is starting to look a little bit better so I pack up my things and get ready to leave. The doctor stops me at the door, he holds out his hand and says, "You're a very good friend to bring Spencer here."

I shudder internally when I reach out to shake the doctor's hand. I'm sure he's very nice and he has been helpful today but I don't like being touched. The doctor hands me a few pamphlets and I stuff them into my bag without looking at them.

"Dr. Reid," the doctor calls out just as I'm turning the door handle. "Don't forget about those AA meetings I was telling you about. I gave your friend the papers."

Spencer and I take the subway back to his apartment. The trip is much quicker now because Spencer isn't constantly tripping over his feet and he can walk in a straight line.

* * *

Darkness cannot drive out darkness:

only light can do that.

Hate cannot drive out hate:

only love can do that.

- Martin Luther King Jr.

* * *

AN: Writing Spencer while he was high was rather difficult. Next chapter will be posted on May 28, 2012.


	4. Monday

AN: Final Chapter.

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.

* * *

Part 6

* * *

Crack the shutters open wide

I want to bathe you in the light of day.

- Crack the Shutters, Snow Patrol

* * *

Monday April 3rd, 2007

Last night Jen came to pick me up. I think she had a nice weekend with Will and I'm happy for her but my head was so full of my plans for today that I have no idea what she said. Last night I had to leave Spencer alone, it was nerve wracking. I stayed up all night worrying that Spencer would leave his apartment and go find dilauded on the street.

This morning I lied to Jen. I told her I was leaving early to study before class but I have no plans to attend school today This is the first time I think I have lied to my sister about something other than saying I'm okay when she asks. I have two classes and depending on how long it takes me to clean up Spencer's apartment, I might have to come up with another excuse for Jen.

Spencer's apartment is just as messy as last night. I doubt he ate real food for breakfast, although he probably bought coffee on the way to work. I'm glad that Spencer likes to go in to the BAU early because sneaking into his apartment would be really awkward if he were still inside. The two keys necessary to gain entry were part of my sixteenth birthday present from Spencer. I lock the apartment door behind me and lock both deadbolts. The first thing I do it open the blinds and windows to let fresh air and sunlight in.

I grabbed some cleaning supplies from the store on the way over. I know from this past weekend that Spencer doesn't have any and I can't take any more home without Jen noticing. I start with the kitchen. I scrub everything with vim and Hertel; the sink, counters, cupboards, fridge, stove. Then I move on to the living room, dragging a garbage bag with me. I toss out all the old food and replace the books in alphabetic order by subject on Spencer's bookshelves.

I clean the half-bath in the hallway and make a mental note to vacuum the entire apartment later. Once I can locate the vacuum. In the bedroom, I pick up all the dirty clothes and put them in the hamper. I'll do laundry later; first I need to clean that disgustingly dirty master bathroom. The bathroom sparkles when I am finished with it. I am so glad that I have not found any needles or Hydromorphone in Spencer's apartment. It makes me feel calmer.

By two o'clock, I'm exhausted and I want to sleep. I have cleaned and vacuumed the entire apartment. I have one last load of laundry in the dryer. After I put that away I can go home to bed. My class starts in thirty minutes but there is no way I would make it on time, even if I wanted to, which I don't.

When the dryer is finished, I bring the clothes upstairs and I fold them, and put them away in the proper drawers. Then I do a once over on the apartment to make sure that I haven't forgotten anything. I haven't. It is almost three o'clock now and I'm falling asleep standing up. I close the windows, grab my bag and lock the door. I hope the team doesn't have a case anytime soon because Spencer needs a chance to recover a little bit first. It only takes me a half hour to get home and I fall asleep almost as soon as I climb into my bed.

* * *

Giles: In the end, we all are who we are,

no matter how much we may appear to have changed.

- Season 7, Lessons, BTVS

* * *

Part 7

* * *

Mr. Maclay: This is insane. You people have no right

to interfere with Tara's affairs. We are her blood kin!

Who the hell are you?

Buffy: We're family.

- Season 5, Family, Buffy The Vampire Slayer

* * *

April 3rd, 2007

6:00 pm

Jen wakes me up when she gets home. She wants to know why I didn't go to the BAU that afternoon like I usually do. I told her I wasn't feeling well so I came home early. She buys it hook line and sinker. It's not really a lie either I wasn't feeling well. There is a knock at the door and Jen leaves my room to see who it is. We're not expecting anyone. I can hear Jen talking to someone, and then I hear two sets of footsteps coming down the hall. I wonder who it is.

Jen and Spencer appear in my doorway. "Are you up for a visitor?" Jen asks.

"Sure." I reply with a smile.

"I'll make dinner." Jen gives Spence a little shove to get him past the doorway and into my room. He takes a few more steps than strictly necessary and I wonder if his balance is off.

"Hi Spence." I greet him with a smile, trying to hide my nervousness.

"Hi Catherine." He whispers, standing awkwardly in the middle of my room.

"Come sit down." I say patting the edge of my bed.

Spencer sits down. "Thank you." He whispers while looking at my mural.

"For what?" I ask, confused and curious.

He blushes, "For cleaning my apartment."

"Oh that," I smile, "you're welcome."

"Why did you do it?"

I frown, "Because it needed to be done Spence."  
"I know that but why didn't you leave it to me? Why didn't you let me help you? You must have skipped class to get it done on time."

"You're family Spence." I say quietly, hoping that my answer will distract him. I breathe an internal sigh of relief when it does.

"Oh." Is all he says.

I study him for a few minutes in silence before I cannot hold in my questions any longer.

"Why?" I ask.  
Spencer looks at me, "Why what?"

I purse my lips, "Why did you keep using it even after you were rescued?"

Spencer looks away, "I didn't know how to stop."

"Why didn't you ask for help?"

He studies his hands like they will give him an answer, "I didn't know how."

I'm annoyed now. I snap, "There seem to suddenly be a lot of things you don't know how to do Spencer."

He looks away, his face pink.

I blush, "I'm sorry, that was uncalled for."

"Are you going to tell?" He won't look at me.

"No, I won't tell Spence. That's up to you. It's your secret."

His voice is small, "Are you going to leave?"

I'm astonished, "What? No, of course not. I promised I wouldn't."

He looks at me frowning, "I don't remember that."

I bite my lip before I answer, "Well you were in withdrawal Spence. I'll promise again if you need to hear it."

He nods once, still not looking at me.

I turn Spencer's chin towards me so that I can look into his eyes, "I promise that I will not leave. Not even if you mess up."

I want to hug him, I don't think it would be welcome, but I don't care. I push off my covers and pull Spencer over. He capitulates though he looks nervous. I tuck him under the covers with me and wrap my arms around his middle. "Good night Spence."

"What?" he asks confused.

I tighten my arms. "I'm not going anywhere and neither are you, good night Spencer."

"What about dinner?" he asks.

"I'm sure Jen will wait for us."

"Okay." He says in a small voice. "Good night Kitty Cat."

My grin is hidden in Spencer's shoulder. I am going to make sure he gets better.

* * *

In three words

I can sum up everything

I've learned about life: it goes on.

- Robert Frost

* * *

AN: Thanks for reading. My next story will be called "If You Survive" it will take place after "Post Minimal Loss". It will be posted on June 1st or 2nd 2012.


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